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Sangheili
would look like with out his helmet?]] '''Elites are the sad result of a xenomorph and Dr octongonapus sunset and are one of the most kick ass troops in the Covenant. They kill the traitorous Brutes, and they kill evil Jackals and save the humble Grunts. They nearly killed the Prophets in the past, and somehow, this created the Covenant. They are known to speak their native language of wortish. An interesting fact, is that they mostly come at night. Mostly... Biology They started when a sex change went HORRIBLY HORRIBLY wrong. In fact they are the result of an iguana f**king with a crocrodile, so in short, they are ugly as a tee-bagging fuck. Their vocabulary mostly consists of the word wort, and are also known to say "damn it!" and "Fuck!" when they see master chief and are startled. This is because at some stage of their evolution, they had a tendency to grow warts. They then proceeded to make sure everyone else knew about it, and now is their main form of language. Their language might be adopted to learn in school, but it might result in something bad. Wortish is very useful in communicating in code, but some worts sound exactly like another, meaning a different word. This could be traumatic and disturbing when saying 'Snipe the chief' ends up as 'My banana is creaming'. Description Like mentioned before, the Elites have four mouth prongs, with un-brushed teeth on each of them, which makes it hard to eat stuff. Why they didn't change to a healthy alternative (like smoothies and salads) is unknown. Their stomachs rumbling, the Elites are always pissed off. So pissed off, in fact, that they barely know who to side with. This is why they are also wannabe predators. They tried to join the Predator academy but couldn't hack it so they joined the Covenant instead. But, because that previous bit was nothing but filler, meant for you, the stupid reader, to keep reading, this completely unnecessary section isn't over yet. Anyway, Elites are lizards without tails, and for some reason, their knees bend the wrong way. They're really tall, and are pretty strong. They're cool, but for unknown reasons, do not wear pants. This grosses some people out, and would have most Elites arrested for indecent exposure, except that their things are so small, not even germs can see them. Diet and Nutrition thumb|200px|right|Fresh Grunts,prepared for the elite food diet. Elites find it hard to eat due to the lack of a lower jaw. It was recently suggested by the Arbiter that they start eating food using straws, but the only Elites who took this seriously were the Heretics. As a result, all Heretic Elites now wear retarded tank-looking things on their backs. This established tradition has now passed on to the Heretic Grunts Elites try to eat meat, fruit, shellfish, videotapes, Brutes, rocks, Gravity Hammers, Big Fuckers and Energy Swords. These eating habits are simply experimental, as they are still trying to find a good, all-around food with good nutritional qualities. The only thing they eat consistently are Tomb Raider mousepads but, for some reason, they put condoms on their mandibles when they are eating them. Also, the food must be able to not fall out of their mouths every time they try to eat the thing. However the only thing they can eat now are nOObs. Culture .]] Elites are pretty laid back. They have been observed on Earth beaches, usually attempting to drink out of straws and go topless trying to temp human males but failing, all the while telling the Grunts to fetch them sandwiches. However, due to the lack of a chin, they get even more pissed off, and bite the Grunts which in turn, destroy the elite with their gruntiness. (Note: The insane number of teeth and lack of a chin has led to the most horrific oral cavity in the known, and quite possibly unknown, universe-and one hell of a dental plan) ]] Sometimes, an Elite will feel the urge to procreate, and is stricken with the hard truth once they find out that they can't find their boy/girl parts. Yet, even with this... oddity, they have managed to make billions of little baby Elites throughout the years (explained briefly in the next section). Elites are also known to dance around, carrying rainbow swords/stick things. Apparently, they are attracted to pretty colors. But then again, who isn't? Also, the Elites have a term they use with their fellow Elite homies, the term is "squidface". Only Elites can use this term, if humans use the term they will get exposed to various slow and/or painful deaths. Breeding behaviors Through extensive investigation it has been found that Elites reproduce without easily observable parts because of their armor. Males in the military at a specific rack can gain the right to breed with any female of their choosing,(DAMN, they are lucky) so that they can "pass down their skills through genetics". (such a lame excuse for finding which bit to shove into her you-know-what.) Naming Elites put the suffix "ee" at the end of their names. At first, it was thought that this was some sort of special warrior name for the Elite. It's not. As it turns out, Elites hate the 4 lip thing they have going on, and thought that putting "ee" at the end of their name would give people the impression that they were "cute", rather than "OH GOD, HE HASN'T GOT A CHIN!!!" However, when they joined the human side, they removed the "ee" part of their names, possibly because they decided "Hey, let's at least sound scary. And that's how the humans won the war with the Covenant. Note that the Arbiter's name (from Halo Wars) is Shirley, or Shirl"ee", named after a famous Running Gun joke which nobody found funny until they read this sentence. Armor Permutations After watching the second episode of Arby N the Chief, the Elites realized that they would never receive special armor permutations such as Recon Armor or the elusive Katana.-fated attempt to cheer the Elites up, Bungie added the Commando shoulders to the Elites default armor list, hoping that n00bs would help to make the Elites feel less lonely .Sadly, the n00bs still wear their ODST or C.Q.B. Armor. Many scientists have theory that the only thing that Elite armor is good for would be in Team SWAT games (as it is near impossible to head-shot Elites from the back...wait...then why doesn't everyone just switch to Elites?!). Suspicously, the Elites also do t-bagging the best because they actually squat right down instead of go on their knees. Famous elites * Ichi 'go Kurasakee * Urgi 'Rlfriendzslutee * Thel 'Vadam (AKA the 309'th arbiter, AKA the one you play as) * Ripa Moramee (Asshole Arbiter from HALO WARS) * Rtas 'Vadum (half jaw) * Rats 'inavacuum (quarter jaw) * N'tho 'Sraom (blue guy in co-op as the third player) * Usze 'Taham (red guy in co-op as the fourth player) * Xytan 'Jar Wattinree (the spirit of jesus in the body of an Elite) * Ahmed 'Bombedmee * Ibeat 'Legendaree and his incompetent cousin, Faildat Easee * Zohm' Bee * Ikillda' odstee * Sek See * Eeee 'eeeeeee (very unimaginative parents) * Sang 'Hielee (above's cousin, parents also dislexic) * Halo 'Three (another cousin, family tradition) * Halo 'Sea-ee (and another) * Wort Wortee (You may think very unimagitive parents, but no, his name in English is Robert Mills.) * ROFL (parents were very slow) *HyHe 'Todee (User on this site) * Keanu 'Reevs * Ure 'Mamee * Kansas Citee * Niga 'Pleasee (was killed in battle by a black marine) * Lostmey Twinkee * Nazee Germanee * Da'm-U 'Icantsee * Xbox three sixtee * Excu Smee * Shutupand Fuckmee * Suckma Titee * Dikk Chanee * Lostma Testee * Emilee * Iplead Guiltee * Wherez Wallee * Diedin Halothree (executed for stupidity) * Edwort (The First Vampiric Elite). * Wortward Worton (Very famous actor.) * Worty 'McWort (Famous for time-travelling, using a Dewortian.) * King Wortwort Wortee the 5th (the fith king of Sanghelios.) * Igota P'ee * Doom 'Three * Emm Sixtee * Emgee Three * Fredkrugeris creepee * Ifeel 'Shitee * Iwannaplay 'Guitarherothree * thesejokesare 'Socornee * Damnthat 'CommanderTonee * ilovemovieswith 'Brucelee * Ihave 'Epilepsee (DO NOT show him Grunts. He will get a seizure from the pretty colours.) * Mini 'Mee * Paul 'Mcartnee * Newyork 'Citee * Despicable 'Mee * J'Suz Kusov * Napol 'Ean 'Dynamitee (one of the most known members of J'Suz's posse) * Zaeed Massan'ee * Iprefer 'Callofdutee, executed for treason, saved by Soap. * Maree 'Curee * Plzlisten 'tomee * WhyR 'ukillinme * Idestroyeda 'wholecitee * Iatea 'suvee * Donot 'shitonmee * mynameis 'dr.Gee * Allurbaseare 'belongtomee (Ancient elite overlord) * MasterChief 'killedmee * Andalso 'Mee * lickmy 'pusee (elite whore) * donot 'clusterfuckmee * wereis 'myweewee (wondering what he is meant to doo after hiring lickmy 'pusee) * brutesare 'scaree * Goshweare 'uglee * CommanderKeyes 'issexee (had noob cancer) * goaheadand 'fuckmee (another elite whore) * Iactuallyhave 'aweewee (first known elite with man parts) * Ilike 'cofee * Whereismy 'secretaree (stuck-up rich elite) * abcd 'ee * letsmakea 'babee (Elite matriarch) * stophatin 'onmee (Biggest fan of the prophet of haters) (Also a member of J'Suz Kusov's Elite Squad) * Letsjacka 'banshee * Doyouseewhat 'Isee (deranged elite) * Destroythecovenant 'armee (huge sepratist supporter) * Whatabout 'mee (outcast) * Howcomenobody 'likesmee (above's brother. Ironically one of the most popular elites in history) * Paymoneyto 'havesexwithmee (also another elite whore) * Easter 'bunee * you'llnevercatch 'mee (fastest elite ever) * Santaclausee 'rapedmee (actually raped by Santa 'Clausee) * Takeapicture 'ofmee (prep) * Ucannever 'deafetmee (killed by J'suz Kusov and his posse crew) *Help 'Comesavemee (bravest elite ever) *Bob 'Hopee *'Biz 'Markee *Idiefunee (Died in a akward position) *Ineedmonee (The Prophet of Ignorance's dad) *Ihate monkees *Ihave Cookiees(Child Predator and the starter of the I like kids gang) *Ihave Candee( Ihave cookiees's brother and partner in the I like kids gang) *Want a puppee ( Related to Candee and Cookiee, partner in the I like kids gang) *Want a kittee ( Related to Puppee, Candee, and Cookiee, partner in the i like kids gang) *Bungee *I am hungree *I. M. A. meenee *Bon jovee *Dolphinsare Prett'ee *Killtrocit'ee *Wortee 'Woartson (very famous actor) *Thu 'Glifee (infamous drug dealing criminal and J'Suz Kusov's cousin) * *Milast naem 'haz 'Anapostrophee *Liveli 'kea 'Refugee *Ch'rlz 'Barklee (Best Elite basketball player) *Yan 'Mee - An Elite who was racially confused and thought he was a Drone. He died when he tried to fly like a Drone but epic failed and fell off a cliff. *Ihate 'Animee (smartest Elite who ever lived, hates all anime except for The Boondocks) Elite Ranks Main Ranks Other Ranks * Assassin * Ossoona * Sith Lord * Stupid plastic thing whose face only splits into three parts and has worm in it (also a Hunter rank) Heretic Ranks * Heretic Leader * Heretic Elite Major * Heretic Elite Minor Category:Elites Category:Shit people complain about Category:Things that kick ass